Who's gonna make me????

It has been brought to my attention that dear hubby, while his intentions are good as gold, is not the one to work with little Diamond. He is a push over big time. He’s afraid that he’ll make her mad at him and she won’t love him anymore...
I can relate. I used to feel the same way about my 8yo mare Sugar. When I first brought Sugar home, I was pretty clueless. Sure, I’ve ridden lots of horses off and on for many years. I would be the fearless one to “get on anything”. Boy was I stupid!!
I bought Sugar from a lady who lived close to me, and had bought her for her daughter’s first horse... I was told that Sugar was full of “Vinegar”. Oh, ok, what does that mean? Well it meant that Sugar would flat out refuse to go to work for the daughter. She would toss her head about 30 feet from her pasture gate, and the daughter would get down, walk Sugar back to the pasture, and be done.
I was pretty sure that I was a confident enough rider that she wouldn’t pull that crap with me. Boy was I stupid!!
We bring her to the barn where I board at, and Sugar & I proceed into the arena all tacked up and pretty looking. I grab the mounting block, and hop right on. Sugar takes off like a bat outa hell bucking her way across the arena, and I fall off about 3 bucks into it. I get back up, and remember from my younger days “You GOTTA get back on, or the horse wins” ok, I dust off my pride, take a look around to make sure no one saw me, and go back to the mounting block to try it again... She was PERFECT! It was like a mounted a different horse... ok, so long story short, this goes on for about a month. Every time I go to ride, she bucks me off, I get back on, and all is happy.
One day a group of people from my barn decide to go for a trail ride. I tack Sugar up, I’ve round penned her, and we’re ready to rock and roll... Sugar had other ideas... she decided at that moment to rear up, and fall over backwards. I did not have time to get out of the way, and she landed on me. Now my horse has hurt me and BAD! So when it came time to work with her again, I had the kid gloves on big time. I would stop at asking, and she knew it. That mare had my number and she wasn’t going to give it up without a fight... Thankfully the barn that I board at has the world’s best owner, and she helped me work with Sugar retraining her with bitting up since that appeared to be her problem. Even after all that, I still was too afraid to get on her, and the owner wasn’t going to risk her neck to do it for me so I was stuck....
Enter Trainer X. She had been training and working with my Dad’s horses and he recommended her to me. Thank God, after I tell her the story of the rear, she still agrees to come out and take a look.
She worked with Sugar twice a week for about 2 months. She made the right thing easy, and the wrong thing hard. When Sugar reared, she went to work in the round pen. Not for 5 minutes, but until Sugar’s lungs burned and she got it through her head that rearing was bad and it sucked to do. We also discovered her problems were due to 1) an ill fitting saddle, I’ve since bought a treeless 2) she’s not broke to a snaffle, gotta use the twisted wire gag, and 3) the rope cinch irritated her sensitive belly
In the mean time, I’m also working with Sugar on the ground in the round pen, and spending quality time with her just bonding and being her friend. I practically lived at the barn last summer, we would go for in hand walks, graze behind the barn, grooming while she was grazing, just sitting in her pasture reading while she hung out, and eventually she decided that I was not the enemy, but rather someone who loved her very much. Now, Sugar would go way above and beyond for me, and I know that she will not do anything to hurt me in any way. If there’s a problem, she’ll tell me, and I listen. We now have a GREAT relationship and she is a very willing partner.
Training with Diamond has gone much the same way... her previous owners told me that she was “A Man’s Horse” because she preferred the husband over the wife. I’ve discovered that was simply because the husband wouldn’t put up with her pushiness and made her behave. Now Diamond is much more attentive and responsive to me than she is to my husband. Why is this? It’s because she views me as her leader. I am Alpha Mare to her and I will protect her from the big horse eating lion lurking behind the tree. I am firm but fair with her. She knows that she can get away with not cooperating with hubby, and she can’t with me. She’s bought herself 20-30 minutes of not working just by moving her head around to avoid the bit before he calls me out to the round pen. For every action, there is an equal reaction. When she moves away to avoid the bit, or the saddle, my reaction is to make her run. She has learned that Mama don’t mess around and while I may be the one to make her work, she respects me so much more than she does him... and until he “gets it” they will continue to have disagreements because why would she work when he’s not going to make her??